You came to me out of thin air, in fact, I wasn’t even expecting you to drop by. But, my life started to change the minute you said hello. You had me before I even knew it, then you said it, those three little words; my heart was yours. I prayed you wouldn’t hurt it.
You took my broken pieces that I had been carrying, put them all back together with whatever you thought would work. I was so blissfully happy, I felt like I was becoming whole again like nothing could ruin my day. All I wanted was to go to you, for everything, good, bad, random; you, despite what you might have thought, were a godsend. I thought I found someone to finally treat me right; after all this time, God sent someone right.
But then you came to me out of thin air, out of the blue. I was so in shock that my brain wouldn’t even comprehend what was happening. Tears pricked my eyes and I tried to hide it, you didn’t need to see what your words were doing to me. I know this hurt you just as much as me, but you broke me from the inside out, made my world come crashing down without so much as a warning, no preparation. I was out in the harshest of storms with only myself as protection; I felt defenseless, with just a few simple words.
Part of me is feeling like I should be kicking myself for not catching this, especially before you are going to leave for months and months and over 3,000 miles away. That kind of distance, I guess I underestimated it all; or maybe I shouldn’t have expected it, but that’s why it hit me so hard that I thought I was losing the ability to breathe, to function.
I don’t wish to hate you, I wish that this pain, the zombie-like trance I have felt for the past few days will just go away. Food makes me sick, and I know drinking would just make it worse when I come back too. Sleep, well I wish I could get a good night’s rest, but I just sit and wait for my body to feel tired. So instead, while I wait, I just sob. It makes my body tired enough to fall into a semi-sleep, but it doesn’t do much. I can’t make it go away, I feel empty like a black hole is growing and I can’t make it stop. I just want it to stop. I see you and I fight back the urge to sob, to tell you how much I hurt day after day, how much I still just want it all to be one bad, horrific dream.
I wanted someone to be my rock, to weather the storm with me, not someone to shatter to pebbles at my feet and let the storm destroy me in its wake. But you let me go, and I am not mad at why you did. What hurts is that I feel betrayed, you took my pieces, put them back together and then ripped the bandage you created away, shattered them into a million more tiny pieces and left me to pick each one of them up.
But I can’t pick them all up because you took some with you; without them, I am not as whole as I want to be. I prayed one day you wouldn’t take me with you when you left, that I would be able to get all of me back, but it just doesn’t work that way. Just please promise, that if you ever have the chance, take care of the parts that you took, and don’t forget how you felt before you decided to leave.